TV vs. Reality – Home Renovations.

I enjoy watching HGTV.

When my tv is on, there’s a 87% chance that it’s on HGTV.

The remaining 13% is dedicated to recordings of The Cosby Show and a Different World. Just in case you were wondering.

I can watch pretty much anything the Home & Garden channel has to offer, but my line-up of favorite shows include:

Property Brothers – Where after 3 seasons, homeowner’s are still “shocked” to find out they can’t afford that beautifully redone mansion on their one bed/one bath budget.

Love it or List it – Where homeowner’s put their “faith” and “trust” in a realtor and designer, and then are flabbergasted when they realize their trust was misplaced.

House Hunters – Where after seeing 3 homes, homeowner’s must choose which house to purchase. Just kidding, they know ahead of time which home they want and the show is totally staged.

Yes, I enjoy watching HGTV. And I applaud them, because they make renovating a home actually look fun. That with the right tools, some hard work and a plan, anyone can do it.

LIES.

Yeah, you heard me right. I have been a victim to the false dreams that HGTV has been selling.

Victim?

Ugh fine, not a victim. Because of my own naïveté, I fell into the trap of believing that TV and actual reality would be the same. But I’ve learned, blog readers. And I want to share with you my mistakes, so you don’t have to repeat them.

So, without further adieu, I bring to you TV vs. Reality – the Home Renovations edition.

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Removing Popcorn Ceilings

TV – What you’ll need: Water, scraper, protective eyewear & tarps/drop cloths. How to do it: Place tarps/drop cloths on walls and floor. Put on protective eyewear. Gently spritz water on the ceiling. Take scraper and, in a forward motion, scrap popcorn off ceiling. Time it takes: Half a day.

Reality – What you’ll need: Water, scraper, protective eyewear, tarps/drop cloths, patience, complete silence & the Holy Spirit. How to do it: Place tarps/drop cloths on floor only, because tarps/drop cloths are expensive and there isn’t enough to put everywhere. Put on protective eyewear. Find your eyes are suffocating. Remove protective eyewear. Gently spritz water on ceiling. Get frustrated when popcorn doesn’t slide off. Drench water on ceiling. TURN OFF THE ELECTRICITY. Claw at the popcorn. Get popcorn in your eyes. Spend hours cleaning up dust. Did I mention you also have to sand the ceiling? Time it takes: Forever.

Removing Wallpaper

TV – What you’ll need: Wallpaper solution & a scraper. How to do it: Soak walls with wallpaper solution. Strip the wallpaper from the bottom and carefully pull upward. Clean the walls. Time it takes: A few hours.

Reality – What you’ll need: Wallpaper solution, a scraper, a cheap blowdryer, damp cloth & prayer. How to do it: Soak walls with wallpaper solution. Strip the wallpaper from the bottom and carefully pull upward. Wallpaper rips and adhesive refuses to give way. Take a cheap blowdryer and try to melt adhesive. Blowdryer dies. Take a warm, damp cloth and rub against the wallpaper. Scrap whatever will come off, which will likely be some of the drywall. Clean what you can. Pray that wallpaper never comes back in style. Time it takes: Forever.

Painting

TV – What you’ll need: Favorite paint color, paint tray, tarp/drop cloths, paint brushes & paint rollers. How to do it: Place tarp/drop cloths on floor and any exposed furniture. Pour paint into a clean paint tray. Dip paint brushes and rollers into paint tray. Paint the wall, either in a “W” motion or straight up and down. Allow at least 2 hours to dry. Apply 2nd coat. Time it takes: Dependent on room size; give about 4-5 hours to complete.

Reality – What you’ll need: Favorite paint color, back-up paint color (for when your “favorite” doesn’t look good on the walls), paint tray, tarp/drop cloths, paint brushes & paint rollers. How to do it: Place tarp/drop cloths on floor and exposed furniture. Pour paint into clean paint tray. Dip paint brushes and rollers into paint tray. Tackle trim work. Complain about trim work. Paint the wall. Get paint on the ceiling and the floor. Allow time to dry. Realize you don’t like the color anymore. Drive to Home Depot and buy new paint. Repeat. Time it takes: Forever.

Home Renovations 

TV – A series of fun, cost efficient projects that can be done by inexperienced homeowners.

Reality – Don’t destroy your family. Hire a professional.