I had a plan.
I was going to quit my job and focus on my writing.
I’d been doing it long enough that maybe it was time to turn this hobby into something more.
I set a goal.
I was going to write and post in this blog twice a month.
Now I know there’s some of you out there that post multiple times a week, to which I say – Congratulations, Susan! But no one likes a show off.
I was on a mission.
I was determined to get it done and do the work.
And yes, I may have pressed ‘publish’ at the final bell one too many times, but it was out there nonetheless!
It was all going really well.
That is, of course, until it wasn’t.
I didn’t just fall off the wagon, y’all.
Ya girl did a nose dive and thought this won’t hurt at all!
Once again, I didn’t do what I had set out to do.
And what makes it so frustrating is that this isn’t the first time I’ve done it.
Or the second. Or the third…
And what kills me most – what has been holding me back – isn’t my lack of discipline (which has been poor), or my desire for perfection (girl, bye).
It’s been my disobedience.
Sure I can say I was busy, what with a husband, two jobs and a new nephew that’s cuter than yours.
But that would be a lie.
The being busy part, not the cute nephew part — just for clarity.
Because surely I’m not “too busy” to listen and obey my Father.
If I had to name just one thing that I know God told me to do, it would be Him telling me to keep writing.
So why am I making this so hard?
My gosh, you’d think I was writing a book (Lord help us!) with the level of procrastination I’ve been displaying.
And I’m reminded often that I’m not even being asked to do this by myself.
Because every time I sit down to write, I’m joined by the Spirit who floods me with words and understanding.
Moments when I stop and think ‘woah, where did that come from?!‘
I get very frustrated with myself when I don’t get it right. Which is unfortunate, because I’m just setting myself up for living a very frustrated life.
And if I were a betting girl – which there was that one time in Vegas – I’d say that I will find myself not getting it right again.
And again and again.
Instead of focusing and dwelling on the ways that I didn’t get it right, I’m going to take this time to do things differently.
To own up to my shortcomings, accept His forgiveness and continue to put one foot in front of the other as I walk on the path that He’s created for me.
3 thoughts on “Why Am I Making This So Hard?”
👏🏾 Awesome job- and a great reminder.
I loved this. I, too, struggle with writing. I put it off, I find something else to grab my attention, I promise myself that I’ll write the next day…that next day arrives but I rarely write.
But, I do do this and I’m proud that I’ve been pretty faithful with it: When I found out that I was going to be a grandmother for the first time I began writing in a notebook to “baby” Pruitt. And then when I found out that “baby” Pruitt was “baby boy” Pruitt I had more to go on. He is 7 now, almost 8, and I generally write twice a month, 2 pages each time about things that have gone on in his life over those 2 weeks. Or sometimes I may get off on a tangent and write something about myself or his dad and uncle (they are twins) when they were young. I now have 4 grands and I’ve been journaling for all 4. None of them know about it nor do their parents. I plan on giving Doss his collection of handwritten, spiral bound books when he graduates from high school. Then, of course, the secret won’t be a secret any longer for the 3 younger grands but I’ll keep journaling for each, Lord willing, until they graduate high school or I’ve graduated from this earth!
Keep up your writing. You are very good with your words. I’m still more of a “shade tree” writer but then I write pretty much the way I think.
Happy Thanksgiving and tell your sweet mama that I said hello. And your nephew is indeed a doll! JP is going places!
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That is dedication right there!
Thank you for reading, Susan 🙂