I had a plan.
I was going to quit my job and focus on my writing.
I’d been doing it long enough that maybe it was time to turn this hobby into something more.
I set a goal.
I was going to write and post in this blog twice a month.
Now I know there’s some of you out there that post multiple times a week, to which I say – Congratulations, Susan! But no one likes a show off.
I was on a mission.
I was determined to get it done and do the work.
And yes, I may have pressed ‘publish’ at the final bell one too many times, but it was out there nonetheless!
It was all going really well.
That is, of course, until it wasn’t.
I didn’t just fall off the wagon, y’all.
Ya girl did a nose dive and thought this won’t hurt at all!
Once again, I didn’t do what I had set out to do.
And what makes it so frustrating is that this isn’t the first time I’ve done it.
Or the second. Or the third…
And what kills me most – what has been holding me back – isn’t my lack of discipline (which has been poor), or my desire for perfection (girl, bye).
It’s been my disobedience.
Sure I can say I was busy, what with a husband, two jobs and a new nephew that’s cuter than yours.
But that would be a lie.
The being busy part, not the cute nephew part — just for clarity.
Because surely I’m not “too busy” to listen and obey my Father.
If I had to name just one thing that I know God told me to do, it would be Him telling me to keep writing.
So why am I making this so hard?
My gosh, you’d think I was writing a book (Lord help us!) with the level of procrastination I’ve been displaying.
And I’m reminded often that I’m not even being asked to do this by myself.
Because every time I sit down to write, I’m joined by the Spirit who floods me with words and understanding.
Moments when I stop and think ‘woah, where did that come from?!‘
I get very frustrated with myself when I don’t get it right. Which is unfortunate, because I’m just setting myself up for living a very frustrated life.
And if I were a betting girl – which there was that one time in Vegas – I’d say that I will find myself not getting it right again.
And again and again.
Instead of focusing and dwelling on the ways that I didn’t get it right, I’m going to take this time to do things differently.
To own up to my shortcomings, accept His forgiveness and continue to put one foot in front of the other as I walk on the path that He’s created for me.